I really do not know how to start this post. This is kind of stuff that sometimes I am at loss of words expressing...
I have pretty much lived my life so far based on what I thought is right and felt like doing. "Living life in your own terms" if you could call it that way. But honestly, who will be interested to know about that? Consider my life as a canvas, where a director is painting a beautiful story - Who is the hero? MYSELF!! EVERYBODY is the bravest, smartest, cutest, strongest IN THEIR OWN LIVES... There is no better way an incident could have been handled by somebody else if they were in your role... given that background, let me get into what I wanted to say.
I keep telling my wife and few others that I as an individual is happy and content if the environment around me is happy. Like when it comes to personal life, I am pretty happy & content (Ahh, now we see the seggregations...) because I think my environment is happy. Perceptions too have their part in the story... Being happy does not necessarily mean being together at the same house or calling up and being in touch every day through emails or phones. It is just that feeling that we all exist for each other. You could be out of touch for ages together, but still if you have that feeling inside, thats the point.
So, I keep talking (read as lecturing) about this non-materialistic way of living and being happy from inside and not necessairly the materialistic gains and assumes that people around are so much excited & happy to listen to me... And my environment continue to put up with me despite this boring yap yap... until recently when my mentor (during our first meeting) threw this curve to me. "What is your Philosphy of life? Do you live your life inside-out or outside-in?"
Honestly, I was stumped by the depth of this question and I realized that I was somewhere between. (I always wished there was a half yes, half no - somewhere between the yeses & the nos). I should admit that more than a few times, I had allowed my environment to take charge of my life and I remained being a spectator. To live your life inside-out takes a lot of courage, commitment and focus and I realize that I am not there... To a great extend, it was mediocrity that drove my decisions because I have a tendency to make everybody happy. I am OK... to let it go, if that makes my environment happy which inturn is my criteria to be happy and content. Does the famous Indian corporate worker who does not know how to say "NO" ring a bell somewhere in this context?
To be or not to be... difficult choice. You can be really there and live your entire life sleeping peacefully EVERY night with no regrets - Be prepared to be ignorant to your environment's feelings. Or try not to be there, keep everybody happy and live a life of guilt & remorse.
Or try to balance it off between the both ends based on specific situations and live your life by doing a continous Cost-Benefit-Analysis, and feel regretful about running your life like a business.
I sometimes feel that way when on top of a drink or two ;)